Yesterday was my MBA convocation. Its better I don’t talk about the feelings like everyone else, because frankly speaking I don’t have any or perhaps am not sure what kind of I have.
I am not happy; if you happen to read ‘Point of no Return’ then you know, no matter how much I despise, hate or feel pissed off about my college, at the end of the day I do miss it. I don’t have any proud moments here, or interesting life in fact [unlike my Grad, where it was proud, happening, lively, fun filled life]; not any cherished memories in particular, based on which I can say I miss Amity, but nonetheless there are times when the nostalgia do take over. But then again I am not sad either.
We all know about my opinion of Amity. I am sure no one will be more pissed off or disappointed of being in Amity like I was and guess to some extent still is. The few college bashing posts are evidence enough to show my abhorrence. Yes they do make me look like a whinny little kid; but every time I talk about Amity I end up bitching and cribbing about the place. I don’t regret it! I don’t feel sorry or wish things would have turned out differently. I know what I had in Amity was the best of what I could have had there; frankly speaking the place didn’t have much to offer and whatever it had, it was not up for grabs, not for me atleast.
I am not angry! There was so much I wanted to say about the place; So much to so many people. People who disgusted me, and I know I will go to hell for writing this, but yes people who were my teachers there, whom I should show some respect. But respect is something which cannot be shown, it comes from within. But no matter how hard I try, I just could not reach there. It is not that I haven’t had similar feelings for few in grad. Yes I did, but they never lasted outside the college walls. But here even yesterday whenever I saw them, I can’t say I got feelings which were even close to respect. I might sound angry and yes I thought I was, with the place and with myself for getting me there but yesterday I guess was the time when you can just let it go; and that’s what I did. It is not that the teachers had anything particular against me, and am sure except two or three perhaps none of them even knows my name; simply because I was not there in class and I was not there in ECA. I just didn’t belong to that college.
Unlike what the emcee said again and again yesterday, I am not feeling proud; not of myself and am sure neither are people who know me and Amity. Getting an MBA from Amity cannot be a proud moment. Not as per my definition of proud, and I am not criticizing or being sarcastic to those who are till now riding the proud wave; but I didn’t do anything to get a degree. If getting up late in the morning and reaching late to college; not completing assignments, not submitting presentations, being absent from classes or sleeping in them count as doing MBA; then yes I did it.
But I don’t know why students and their parents were so happy about yesterday. The day you take admission in Amity, they get a degree for you and the day your parents signed the last fee cheque, they write your name on it. In between it is all about killing time and moving on. It’s not that there is no learning, yes there is about back stabbing, being spineless ass lickers and of being afraid of not being allowed to sit in the placements; but nothing about which you or your parents can or should actually feel proud of.
I don’t feel thankful, which I think I should; not because I actually had a great time staying with friends and seeing life from a new perspective. Not because I could have done so much but I didn’t which actually makes me proactive at times now. Not because I learnt a valuable lesson of ‘LOOK BUSY, TAKE IT EASY’. Because had it not been for Amity and all the free time it gave me to kill, I would have never found out about one thing which I love doing, writing. And it is because of the same Amity that today again I am getting back at writing, when I almost gave it up after started working. Yes I am thankful, for all the friends I found in Amity and I am thankful for some of the best times of my life with them and of course for knowing and doing writing.